Hello stranger

The kids are back in school and I might even be able to start updating this blog.
It was a chaotic summer filled with a roller coaster ride of fun.
It was wanting to capture this morning that has caused me to write again. Everyone got off to work and school with no yelling OR tears. We had time to share a spiritual thought around the table and have family prayer. Everyone had a nice breakfast (made to order) and a healthy lunch packed (I know it will probably end up in the garbage can at school but I did my part). I even actually have some energy to go accomplish some things after that feat.
Dad drove the boys to school and they each kissed me as they walked by. I waved out the door and they waved back until we could no longer see each other. No, I was not perfectly coiffured, manicured, and made up; nor was I wearing a dress with a cute little apron. (If you really need a visual, picture bedhead, unshowered, T shirt on inside out and backwards, a tie dye skirt pulled on 'cause it was by the bed) BUT it was as close to "made for 50's tv sitcom family" as you're gonna get around here. *sigh* It makes my Momma heart swell.
Now I might actually shower, but there is no way in hell that I will smilingly do the dishes. There is a possibility that I will dance with the vacuum cleaner...

Silence is Golden

or... it just means I have been busy doing nothing. It has been a roller coaster ride since I last wrote (I know and that is different from the usual how?!?!). It has been a very empowering last few months. Visits from family and friends has been the push I needed to make some changes. I have to go finish a bunch of things before I leave for N.Y. and PA. but I wanted to leave ya with a glimpse of how I am feeling lately... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjdw9krFJcI

I thought this was quite funny, but when I showed my dear husband he didn't seem to see the humor...

Umm...Thank you?

Someone was chatting away with me yesterday when she stopped mid sentence, looked at me hard, then said, "You know, you're actually kind of pretty."

Truer words were never spoken

My son was reading a message to me over my shoulder. In part it stated that I am, "an island of sanity (or insanity) in this dark world". Aaron wanted to know what "sane and insane" meant.

After explaining it to him he thought for a second, patted me on the shoulder, got a very serious look on his face and stated, "I think you walk the line."

Impulsivity gets me in trouble... again

Yesterday I thought I would solve some financial woes by going and getting our taxes taken care of. We have gotten money back every year and I could use some cheerful news. So off I went with all our documents neatly organized (we have been audited three times, I now keep immaculate tax records). Guess what. Hubby had forgotten to change his W2s and not enough tax was taken out. That's right, we now owe. If I owed millions then I could probably get a prominent political post but since I only owe hundreds I had better pay. Experience has taught me they like to scrutinize people who make less then $40,000.00 a year.
It was a hot day (for this time of year), and my mood was dark. I tugged at my long heavy hair as I passed someone putting out a sign for a new hair salon. In a fit of emotional reactivity I pulled into the parking lot, asked for an appointment, got sent to a chair right away, and asked the stylist to, "do what ever you think will look good as long as it lightens up this heavy head of hair. My only request is that it is not short. I am ok with long and or mid length." I then closed my eyes as she cut away.
Well, I have learned I need to define short. My hair now is about even with my jaw and VERY textured. To be fair to her, if it is pulled straight then the longest layers barely brushes the top of my shoulders. I don't think she realized how much natural curl my hair has until it was to late.
When I pulled into the driveway my hubby had his back to me while he worked on the rain gutters. I called out the window, "I am just warning you, I got my haircut and I told her to do whatever she wanted, just not a short do."
"Good", he replied with his back still to me. "I am happy you went and did something nice for your self. I..." his voice trailed off as he turned around and saw my hair. All of a sudden he started LAUGHING.
"Are you LAUGHING at me?"
"Oh no, of course not." he said as he struggled to regain composure.
Rian came out of the house and stared at me with her jaw dropping open. Finally she said, "you look like the lady on the front of Granny B cookies."
Aaron took that moment to round the corner. He started asking me something then interrupted himself, "You cut your hair off! You now look like a really strict mean mother". He then turned around and went back the way he had come.
Jonathan piped up, "I think it is a pretty haircut. You look very purple." I could tell from the way he said it that I was receiving a compliment of the highest caliber. One out of four ain't bad...
I am just thinking of all the money I will now save on shampoo and conditioner.

Have I told you I Love You?

I am not sure why I started blogging, but I know why I keep it going (however sporadically). My family and friends have been so scattered and my life has not allowed me to keep in touch like I would of liked. Whenever I thought to call, the time difference would not make the other person happy. Whenever I would start a letter, I would misplace it or it would be quite outdated by the time I found addresses and stamps. Then there are the times of heartache, when I wonder if anyone else has experienced the same thing and wish I had a support network that did more then meet once a week at a time I can't be there. There is also the element of my crazy thought process and wondering if anyone out there thinks the same way...
Blogging my thoughts and chronicling my days (warts and all) has really been my first time coming close to journaling. Doing it on public forum has enriched my relationships with family and friends, we have connected on levels that I didn't even realize were there. It also has brought new friends into my life that I am all the better for knowing. If you haven't checked out the blog Let's be famous to each other. please do. I love her thoughts and I found it quite the compliment that some of you thought it was something I was doing until she put her name in there. I just bumped into her walking along the cyber highway, we have since then exchanged glimpses of each others soul and my life is better knowing she exists. That brings me to the number one reason why I blog.
YOU. We are reminded time and again that we never know when our last moment will be. I capture every moment I have been granted with my family in my heart. When I can, I share it here. It was quite scary at first, but I have received nothing but positive, even when I was quite negative. It helped me know maybe I am not as crazy as I thought I was. I always love the comments people make and the peeks they give me as to their thought process.
I also really appreciate knowing just how rich I am. The comments from my last entry prompted this one. I am friends with, and related to, some of the brightest souls to have ever shone in the darkness. How humbling and meaningful it is to me to hear your kind words. I think it was even more powerful because it was totally unexpected. As tears sprung to my eyes while I read what these three amazing women had to say, I just wanted to embrace them all. I want to shout to each of you (not just the three who commented:-) ) how absolutely incredible you are. How much I appreciate you sharing your life with me. How much I rejoice in our differences and common ground. How thankful I am for words of support, advice, and constructive criticism. There is a language far beyond words in which I wish to extend the depth of my gratitude that each of you have crossed my path.

In short, dear family and friends, I love you. Thank you for being.